THEY SAID SHE CHANGED, BUT GOD NEVER ASKED HER TO STAY THE SAME! (Part 5)

[00:00:00] A mother shared a story with us the other day and it hit. It was so good that I had to bring it to you because I know, I know it's going to be relatable. It's going to resonate. I'm not going to share her name, but one of my favorite mamas received a text the other day and the text was only two words at the end there.

[00:00:26] You've changed. And she said she read it again. First, she didn't really know how to feel. Then she took a deep breath and let it land. When she placed the phone down to think about what had just come through for her, she put it face down beside her and she just thought about it.

[00:00:55] Maybe she had changed. She no longer answered every message the moment it arrived. She no longer explained every decision until everyone felt comfortable with it. She had learned to say no without three or five paragraphs of apology afterwards.

[00:01:17] She protected time with her children so differently than when it was just herself and her husband. She guarded the quiet hours she needed to create, to pour into her family. And she stopped attending conversations that always left her feeling smaller and stressed out.

[00:01:46] She didn't, she said, I don't have time for that anymore. It's time to cut those things out. She had become more careful about where she placed her energy. For years, people told her, the ones that loved her, you need stronger boundaries.

[00:02:09] You need to believe in yourself. You need to, you need to take what you're working on seriously. You need to take your marriage more seriously. You need to stop allowing everyone else's needs to come before your own.

[00:02:28] Then she did. She did. She did. She did when she gave breath. I always say this. When, when the baby takes their first breath, we as mothers, we take our, our first breath too as someone else.

[00:02:48] And, and, and she started to change. And suddenly the woman they had encouraged her to become, right, the people around her, not, not the ones that love her and that want her to change. But there was a lot of people around her. And this new woman that she was becoming was making them uncomfortable.

[00:03:18] They, they liked her growth when it was still an idea. They liked cheering when the transformation asked nothing of them, but when her growth changed her availability, her access and the way she allowed herself to be treated, they called her changed.

[00:03:41] Maybe they looked at it as, as pride or rude, but she looked at that message again, you've changed. And this time she didn't defend herself. She quietly whispered, I know I prayed for this. Get ready for another amazing conversation that I think you're going to see yourself in.

[00:04:09] So get comfortable, grab the people you love. If this is your time, take it, grab a snack. If that's what you like to do and let's go. Ooh, that's better, right babe? Yeah! She founded an architectural concrete company.

[00:04:37] He founded a hundred million dollar clothing company. She took the world by storm as a social media star. He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur. Together we started a business. And had babies. Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both. Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles. As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids. And everything in between. Welcome back to the Entrepreneur Parents Podcast.

[00:05:07] The Becoming Unshakable series. This is episode five of Mom Supporting Moms. Today we're talking about something that happens when a woman begins becoming, let's say, stronger, healthier, wiser, and more intentional. Her relationships feel the change. Some like it, some don't.

[00:05:37] Supporting a mother is not only encouraging her to grow, it is being willing to adjust when she does. Because sometimes we love the idea of another woman becoming everything God created her to be. Until becoming that woman means she can no longer remain everything we expected her to be.

[00:06:06] Real growth changes more than how a woman feels about herself. It changes how she uses her time. It changes what she tolerates. It changes what she discusses and what she no longer explains. And it changes becoming a mother. This new woman.

[00:06:33] It really does change how quickly she says yes. It may change the places she goes. The conversations she joins. And the responsibilities she is willing to carry for others. That does not, it doesn't automatically mean she, it doesn't mean that she's better than anyone else.

[00:07:00] And it's hard for the people on the outside because they are trying to understand, hey, she's so different. She doesn't come to these things anymore. She doesn't talk the same. She doesn't have the same time. She's just different. Right? And that's what it feels like. Maybe she's, they feel that she's, she's better. She thinks she's better than us now.

[00:07:30] But that judgment, we ought to pull that back because she may finally understand that being available to everyone was making her unavailable for the life God gave her. Mothers are often praised for being endlessly accessible. We become accustomed to the woman who always answers. She was so responsible before. She would answer the phone every time. She was always helping,

[00:08:00] always rearranging her plans for us. Always absorbing the inconvenience. Then one day she realizes that every unnecessary yes has been taking something from the people, her babies, her husband, and purpose, God given destiny, she is responsible for protecting.

[00:08:28] So she begins obviously making different decisions to the people who benefited from her lack of boundaries. Her healing may feel like a rejection. Why is she like this? But the loss of unlimited access, that's, don't think of it like you've lost love.

[00:08:56] She's just becoming the woman that she's called to be in this season. It's possible to love someone and still struggle with the way that she's changing. I'm talking about our mothers. And perhaps you miss the friend who could, who could talk for hours. Remember, it's just different now. Maybe you miss how often you saw each other or,

[00:09:26] or maybe her new responsibilities make friendship feel much different now. And that kind of sadness, that doesn't, it, you're not, you're not being selfish, but you are noting the difference. And remember, relationships have rhythms and it is natural to grieve when some of those rhythms change. But we have to be honest

[00:09:53] about what we are asking from her. Do we truly miss her? Or do we miss the version of her who never said no to us? Do we really want to connect? Or do we want this same level of access, even if maintaining it would require her to abandon something she's worked hard to build?

[00:10:21] Or it's going to take away from her babies, from her marriage. Sometimes loving the woman she is becoming means releasing expectations that, that belonged to an earlier season that we were living with her. The friendship may needs to take a new shape. It looks different now. Perhaps long conversations

[00:10:49] become a thoughtful voice message or even a text. I have this with my friends that live outside of the country, my friends that are here. They're so understanding because they're in the same season as me. Perhaps the weekly visits or the monthly visits become one meaningful afternoon every few months, maybe once a year.

[00:11:17] Perhaps she cannot participate in everything, but she's present. She's truly there when she is. If she can be. Sometimes she has to bring the baby and she may not be as fully present as we would wish. It's going to be different. And we have to embrace that. It doesn't mean that the relationship is ending.

[00:11:45] It is learning how to stretch, to meet her, meet her and where she is in her season. Be careful about using someone's growth as evidence against her character. Like, as I said before, that judgment of she thinks she's too important now. That's a judgment. That's your perception. Or she's obsessed with her work.

[00:12:14] Or she never has time for anyone. Has she forgotten where she came from? The growth doesn't mean neglecting people because you can have the conversation. Like, I've got babies now. I mean, she shouldn't have to have that conversation. I've got to pour into my babies every day. So, that is something that we, especially after this conversation, we can understand.

[00:12:43] She's in a different season. It doesn't mean breaking promises. She can just be honest. I'm not going to be able to come this time. And just accept it. I can't come at Christmas this time. I can't come at New Year. Whatever it may be. Before we assign some kind of motivation to her, we need to become curious if we don't quite understand. And just understand,

[00:13:13] she's not ignoring us. Have we ever thought, perhaps she's overwhelmed? Maybe she's finally treating her responsibilities as important. She's realizing what is pulling her away from the things that truly matter. That is biblically hers to carry her responsibility. She hasn't forgotten where she comes from. In most cases.

[00:13:43] She's working hard to make sure she does not have to return to a season that almost broke her. Think about it. She was probably trying to carry it all in this new season, this new identity of hers. I know I had that. I didn't want anybody to notice that I was a mom. That I could do it all.

[00:14:14] That did break me. Let's just be honest. It hurt my health. Pushing. Me, especially. sleepless. Sleepless. Trying to, trying to make different appointments and, and do it all. Don't let her go there. If you love her, don't let her go there. Just understand. Text. Don't,

[00:14:42] don't expect so much. A healthy relationship leaves room for conversation. You can, you can text. I miss you. And also, I'm proud of what you are building. Let me understand how, how our friendship fits into this season. I mean, even that may cause pressure for her.

[00:15:12] I don't, I don't know. I don't know your friend that's going into this new season. I mean, you don't want to have her explain too much, but just tell her, I understand. That creates connection when you're communicating. Because when she hears you've changed, often that can create some kind of blame or shame. It, one,

[00:15:41] one text, it will invite honesty. And then the other one, it's asking her to return to a version of herself that felt easier for, for others to understand. And to the woman who's growing, remember this. You don't have to choose between honoring your calling and loving the people who matter to you. Chances are,

[00:16:10] you will not be available in all the ways you once were. You won't be. Your capacity has changed. Your responsibilities have changed. This season has definitely changed. And the people who truly love you, they will understand. They're not going to make you feel guilty for having less time. They will learn. They will make an effort to learn the rhythm of this season with you

[00:16:40] and ask how they can support you and love you well in the role you carry now. They're intelligent. They know it's different. It's nothing personal. When you have the capacity, communicate with the people you trust. You can't trust everyone, but tell them what this season requires. If they don't get it or they haven't been mothers, they will understand

[00:17:09] that they still matter even if the way you stay connected has changed. Maybe it's a text every once in a while. As I said, one of my very best friends in a different country. I think maybe three texts in a year, maybe. And it's never anything. There's never judgment. When she says, I love you, I feel it. And when I say I love her

[00:17:38] and I'm thinking of, I think about her all the time, to be honest. I think about her all the time. It's just sometimes I can't reach out. There's so much happening in this season for me. That's the truth. Listen, boundaries in a busy season, because that's what it is,

[00:18:06] we have to have guardrails. We have to have guardrails to protect mothers in this new role. And others will understand that it's not rejection or some kind of absence of love. Remember, growth should make us wiser, stronger, and more powerful. The goal is not to remain available

[00:18:35] to everyone. Remember that and don't feel bad about it. If someone makes you feel guilty for this change in season, I don't want to, I mean, I hate to say it, but do they really love you if they're putting that kind of pressure on you? It is to become a woman who can love deeply without abandoning herself

[00:19:04] and her heavy responsibilities to her children, her spouse, and her God-given calling in this season. When a mother changes, her marriage may feel it too. Perhaps she has discovered a gift she ignored for years. something, something comes up, something comes up and perhaps she

[00:19:34] speaks with more confidence now. Perhaps the calling has expanded beyond what either spouse originally imagined. A loving husband does not have to fear the woman his wife is becoming. He can become curious about her. He can ask, what are you learning about yourself? What does this season require from us? How can we protect our marriage while making room

[00:20:03] for what God is growing? Her growth doesn't have to compete with the family. Handled with wisdom, this new growth, it could become part of the family's story. But the answer, it can't always be that she remains small enough for everyone else to feel unchanged. A strong marriage

[00:20:32] allows both people to keep becoming while continuing to choose each other. And this is for the women that are discovering these things about themselves in this new season. And sometimes, well, many, many of our families, the growth becomes different. Where the husband and wife, they want to build together. And that's a different kind of growth. They're building together. It's like, what could we

[00:21:02] build together? But sometimes, she wants to go off on her own while still carrying the responsibilities. Everybody's calling is different. different. And sometimes, we build together. And in this community, many of us build together together with the family, with the entire family, the children too. That's my favorite. I mean, that's, I feel like that's my calling.

[00:21:31] And, um, sometimes our husbands have to step away. And then we carry the calling, or maybe that's just God moving them out of the way because I really do want you to do this on your own. Who knows? Whatever it is for you, whatever it is, maybe it's the mom and the children. Maybe that's the calling. So just be open to that. I want to share this with you.

[00:22:00] The book of the prophet Isaiah chapter 43 verse 19 says, see, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up. God, do you not perceive it? God does new things in people. He leads us into new seasons. Moms, put your hand up because you're in a new season. He corrects us. He strengthens us. He matures us.

[00:22:31] He matures us. Just, right? That resonates. That hits. He asks us to release patterns that cannot follow us into the place he is leading us. So important to realize. We often pray for transformation without realizing that transformation will change our relationships around us. It will expose

[00:23:01] relationships. It will change our choices. It may even change what other people can expect from us. When God is doing something new in a woman's life, we should not demand that she continue living according to an old version of herself before the children or before the marriage.

[00:23:30] We can ask God for the wisdom to recognize what he is growing and the humility to adjust alongside of it to support her best, to love her best. Rather than making her feel guilty, what can we do to support her better and make her feel loved? She's in that season. And if we are mothers, then we should understand it

[00:23:59] the most. Grab your pens and a journal, something to write in. Don't judge anything. These are just questions for you, honest questions. Do I support another woman's growth when it changes what I receive from her? Have I mistaken a boundary for rejection? Boundaries are good. When people have

[00:24:28] boundaries with us, it's good. It's for their protection. It's for the protection of their marriage. It's for the protection of their children. Don't look at it as rejection. Have I called someone selfish because she could no longer be endlessly available? Is there a relationship in my life that may not be ending, but just changing shape?

[00:24:57] How do I feel about it? And then turn the question toward yourself. yourself? Where have I genuinely grown? Where have I simply become guarded? And honestly, are my boundaries protecting what God entrusted to me? Do I have

[00:25:27] boundaries to protect what God entrusted to me? And for this week's legacy move, this is a challenge that I invite all you mamas to participate in. If you don't have boundaries in place right now, I strongly suggest that you write down what you need to do to put them in place.

[00:25:56] because this is going to protect your mental well-being, your health, and talk with your spouse about how you could best put these guardrails in place to the people that are perhaps not respectful of this type of boundary or haven't just naturally

[00:26:26] given you this space of your new season. Just write down everything that will help you become the best version of yourself. And sometimes the text may come up, you never have time for me anymore. It's a friend. Just have in place how you're going to

[00:26:56] respond. and you can respond by saying, I know life has been changing maybe for the both of us or for me and I want you to become proud of me, to be proud of who I'm becoming. I really miss you too, but the connection is going to be different especially in this season, but it doesn't mean that I don't love you. It's just I'm caring a lot more than I did before.

[00:27:25] They love you, they will understand, but you have to understand what that conversation will look like and if you need the support from your spouse to help you through that, you guys can have the conversation just so he can help you. I know sometimes it's something that feels hard to say and then once it's said it's understood. Sometimes people need to just be gently reminded the

[00:27:56] right people will not require you to remain the same so that they can continue feeling needed and loved. They're not going to ask you to abandon your boundaries to prove love to them. They're not going to resent every new responsibility opportunity or strength that you're stepping into.

[00:28:26] Healthy support is going to be very visible. They are going to applaud for the person that you are becoming. The right people will celebrate your growth and lovingly tell you that you're doing a

[00:28:55] great job. It's so simple. Keep those people close. the ones who don't need you to remain small or who you were before because we're all going to grow. We're all going to grow as parents and the ones who are not threatened when you become stronger. Those are your people. The ones who can miss the old rhythm without demanding

[00:29:25] the old you because they can grieve who you used to be or your relationship. We talked about that a little bit. Yes. Yes. It's going to feel different. And especially when we step into the new season of who we are, we're going to grieve who we used to be too a little bit. Not always, but sometimes we step into this new role very happily. But some of us do grieve who we used to be, the freedom we once had. Be the person that is

[00:29:55] loving and understanding for someone else. Don't only support the woman that she has been. Learn how to love the woman that she's becoming. She's changed. Perhaps she was supposed to. Let's come together in prayer. Heavenly Father, God, thank you for never leaving us exactly

[00:30:24] as you found us. Thank you for the new things you are doing inside the woman listening today. Give us wisdom to recognize healthy growth. Help us create boundaries. Teach us to communicate with love. Not have to fall silent in fear of talking about who we are becoming forgive us for the times we

[00:30:54] expected another woman to remain small or endlessly available or uncertain because her growth made us feel uncomfortable. Help us release old expectations we may have for someone and make room for the person that she is blossoming into who she's becoming. Bless our friendships as they move through changing seasons. give us courage to have honest

[00:31:23] conversations without any kind of blame or hurtful feelings. Bless our marriages, help husbands and wives remain curious about one another, protect their connection, their holy covenant, and make room for the gifts you are developing in our mothers. Surround us with people who celebrate our growth, guard our character, and remind us who

[00:31:53] we are when pressure, success, or fear makes us forget. May every change in us draw us closer to you and make us more faithful with the people and purposes you have entrusted to us, our holy covenant, our spouse, our babies. We say this in Jesus' name, amen.

[00:32:23] If a woman came to your mind during this episode, reach out to her. Perhaps she has changed. And perhaps your relationship has too. Instead of accusing her or anything negative. Because sometimes that could be just because she's changed so much, it may feel like, she's too good for us. What is up with this attitude? Just become curious about the

[00:32:53] season that she's carrying. She may be carrying so much and maybe you could be of help. Maybe she's scared to ask for help. Just support her with love. Tell her, I'm proud of the woman you're becoming and I want to learn how to love you well here too so that I could support you better. If this conversation spoke to you, follow the entrepreneur parent podcast and send this episode to a mother, parents,

[00:33:23] a family navigating growth, navigating changing relationships and navigating this new season of purpose, this blessed season. Please leave five golden stars and a kind review. Your words help families, other families out there discover these conversations and help us continue building a community rooted in faith, family purpose and building a

[00:33:52] legacy that matters. And if you have children, listen together to the Entrepreneur Kids Legacy show, the screen free learning podcast, blending seeds of faith, character, leadership, entrepreneurship, financial literacy and real life wisdom in the courageous young leaders of tomorrow. And if you want to support that show, the children's show by sponsoring

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[00:35:21] Until next time, protect what matters, keep building your family's legacy, and remember the people in front of you, under that roof, are part of the God-given destiny. God bless you. Glory to God always. We love you. I can't wait to talk to you again soon. Have the best week. You're doing such a good job. You're doing such a good job. I'm so proud of you. And dads too.

[00:35:51] I'm proud of you too. I'm proud of all of you. Thank you beautiful friends for listening to this important message from someone you love and care about. Oh, and we'd love to personally invite you to listen to our podcast. It's for young future leaders ready to change the world and be a light in the dark. Listen together as a family.

[00:36:20] It's called the Arsenal Legacy God-given job. And remember, you are the hero of your

[00:36:49] story because every legacy begins with a hero. And that hero is you. This podcast is for inspirational and educational purposes only and it is not intended to replace professional advice, legal advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed are based on personal experience and faith-based insight and are meant to encourage

[00:37:19] reflection and growth. Always seek the guidance of qualified professionals regarding any questions or concerns you may have about your health, relationships, or business. Thank you. Thank you.